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How Do I Get Them to Like Me?

Behavioral adaptability is the key to successful application of the behavioral flexibility model. Adaptability means you have the maturity and confidence to behave in a style that may not be your primary style, but that reflects the style of your customer. Sales entrepreneurs consciously go out of their comfort zone in order to establish a relationship of rapport and trust. By recognizing the styles of yourself and others, you can adapt your behavior to fit the situation. Adapting speeds up the likeable factor. People are naturally drawn to like-minded people with similar styles. If you can embrace and parallel the behavioral style of your customers, they cant help but appreciate your approach and, consciously or unconsciously, begin to like you. In their book, The Art of Speedreading People, Paul and Barbara Tieger talk about the tremendous sales advantage of speedreading your customers-identifying the customers style type and adapting. They go on to suggest that your next goal is to speed-reach your customer-communicate on the customers own level based on the style type you have identified. You need to observe and listen carefully to your customer and respond in the way that best accommodates his or her behavioral type. Developing your skill in reading and interpreting peoples behavioral style helps manage the initial tension that exists in any new relationship. As Tony Alessandra says in his book, People Smarts, You can learn to adapt your style to handle different types of situations, even the more difficult ones that we encounter in the real-world laboratory of life. He goes on to suggest this tool is not about changing, its about acting in a sensible, successful way to nurture a lasting relationship. Perhaps Dr. Richard Carlson says it most succinctly in his book, Dont Sweat the Small Stuff... and its all small stuff:

For many people, one of the most frustrating aspects of life is not being able to understand other peoples behavior. We see them as guilty instead of innocent. Its tempting to focus on peoples seemingly irrational behavior-their comments, actions, mean-spirited acts, selfish behavior-and get extremely frustrated. If we focus on behavior too much, it can seem like other people are making us miserable. Its true that other people do weird things (who doesnt?), but we are the ones getting upset, so we are the ones who need to change. Im merely talking about learning to be less bothered by the actions of people.

Carlson goes on to suggest that, When someone is acting in a way we dont like, the best strategy for dealing with that person is to look beyond it and see the innocence in where the behavior is coming from.

Parallel to Carlsons thinking, I offer this explanation of behavioral flexibility: An understanding of the behavior model gives us the patience to tolerate other people and their actions-including internal customers such as spouse, kids, and family. You cant change your style or other peoples styles, but you can change the relationship.

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Four Behavioral Styles of Customers

The following style grid outlines the four styles and positions them in relation to the vertical and horizontal axis.

(Relationship- oriented) OPEN


(Task-oriented)

The vertical axis is the openness scale, which refers to how willing the person is to be open and to reveal what is happening on the inside. At the top, we have highly open, talkative, friendly, relationship-oriented individuals: extroverts. At the bottom, we find self-contained, quiet, very closed individuals: introverts. The introverts are self-contained people, usually expressionless, not revealing their feelings, thoughts, or emotions. Their world is internal and it can be difficult to read them or know what theyre thinking. Comparatively, the extroverts readily show excitement, joy, enthusiasm, anger, and a variety of emotions.

The horizontal axis is referred to as the directness scale: direct or indirect. People who are direct, on the right side, make decisions quickly and easily: not a lot of details are required. These people are spontaneous, Sure, sounds good, lets do it. Their motto is, Its easier to get forgiveness than permission. People who are indirect, on the left side, are not as comfortable making quick decisions. They move more cautiously, arriving at a decision more slowly. A direct individual may very well get frustrated by the amount of time an indirect person takes to make a decision. Conversely, an indirect person is not impressed with how quickly and recklessly a direct person makes decisions. Its all about understanding that people are different. Your interactions with people succeed when you heed their external signals. Interactions fail when you ignore the signals. Now for the bad news and good news: the bad news is there is only one thing you can control and change; the good news is, its you. Dont try to change other people; you cant. The high divorce rate proves it. Even marriage counselors are in agreement that the behavioral flexibility model goes a long way toward improving relationships. The following pages outline the primary characteristics of each style. Lets have a look at each style and as you read through them, try to ascertain the style that best fits your behavior, at work and at home.

Socializer

These are fun-loving extroverts, social people who are full of life and always appear to be enjoying themselves, having fun. Their preference is party first, business second. The best way to get their attention and build rapport is to have fun with them before you get down to business. They are energetic, enthusiastic, talkative, and literally the life of any party. They are sharp dressers, very stylish, and sometimes outrageous. Socializers are not afraid of drawing attention to themselves; in fact, they prefer it. They love toys and often drive high-end sports cars: red Porsches, Lamborghinis, or Dodge Stealths. They also have all the accessories: jewelry, expensive watches, shoes, pens, etc. A $1,000 outfit with all the trimmings is not uncommon.



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The downside about Socializers is that they are poor listeners and inattentive, since they are usually focused on talking about themselves. Its sometimes tough to get a word in edgewise as they tell you their life stories and fondest dreams. Nevertheless, you must give them time to chat and party with you before asking business questions.

A word of caution: Socializers hate detail and boring, lengthy presentations. They can be very impatient. Make it fun, colorful, exciting, and get to the bottom line quickly. Sell the sizzle more than the steak. Bottom line to a Socializer means, How will this make me look good and will it be fun? Get the deal in writing. Socializers tend to forget quickly as they move on to the next event or party. The best vehicle to build trust and rapport is to put fun into the relationship. Energize your call with enthusiasm and excitement. After all, if you have fun socializing and pass the party test by listening to the jokes and stories, then it only stands to reason that you will be a trustworthy, enjoyable person to do business with. The big plus is that they will, and do, make quick decisions (direct) as you move through the steps of your Sequential Model. In summary: SOCIALIZER

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Director

Here is your consummate businessperson, an introvert whose main focus is the task at hand and who is guided by goals and objectives. Directors are always asking, Whats the point? Thus, its always business first, party maybe. Get to the point quickly and dont socialize or try to encourage social conversation. They will become impatient and tune out quickly as they are simply not interested. Directors love control and prefer to be in charge; they like being the boss. As an introvert, they have a low tolerance for feelings and emotions. Directors can appear to be quiet, unfriendly, and apathetic. Directors are quite happy to do things on their own-see a movie, dine in a restaurant, or even travel. They will tell you, Im alone, but not lonely.

Directors often prefer to give cash or gift certificates as gifts rather than take the time to shop. Their



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