General Observations

At this point you are probably getting a good appreciation for differences among the four behavioral styles. To further crystallize your understanding, I offer these real-world, everyday scenarios:

Reading a Newspaper

Socializers look for stories about the party they were at the previous night. They do things that get themselves in the paper. They scan the entire paper looking for interesting, current-event articles. They read the Entertainment section. Directors mainly read the headlines and the business section. They then turn to the sports section to read about athletic accomplishments.

Thinkers call the newspaper if a word is incorrectly spelled or a story is inaccurate. Relaters look for a popular, current event story to discuss at the office water cooler. They check the obituaries to see if they know anyone.

Golfing

Socializers spend more time in the clubhouse talking and welcoming new members. Their almost a hole in one story is repeated frequently for the benefit of new members.

Directors drive the cart and frequently try to play through.

Thinkers keep score for the group and often refer to the rule book. They keep their

clubs clean too.

Relaters play regularly with the same foursome, usually offering to buy the beverages at the 19th hole.

Grocery Shopping

Socializers approach the fewer than 9 items checkout line, begin a conversation and compare the fun stuff in other shopping carts. They hold up the line by conversing with the cashier about upcoming holidays.

Directors approach and barrel through the fewer than 9 items line with 15 items. After all, it was the shortest line.

Thinkers approach the same checkout line wrestling with the correct thing to do. Are the eggs one item, or 12? They also count items in other carts and if they are over the limit, they become irritated.

Relaters approach the fewer than 9 items line, count the items, and take comfort knowing they have only eight. If they have ten items, they move to another line.

The Desk

Socializers say: Im busy right now. Give me a few minutes and Ill get back to you. They dont know where the item is on their desk, but wont admit it. Directors have a clean desk, one file out at a time. Nothing else is on the desk. Even their telephone is on the credenza behind them.

Thinkers say, Its the third report down in that pile. The desk is messy, with Post-It-Notes and files everywhere, but they know exactly where everything is. Relaters have everything in place, with the most impressive, business-related file in full view. A family picture and a picture of him or her shaking hands with a celebrity is in a prominent position. Relaters have a separate table for visitors rather than sitting at their desk.

Cooking

Socializers like to cook for groups. They prepare an extra place at the table just in

case company stops by. They go out rather than cook for one.

Directors cant cook without a microwave. They buy single portions. Cooking is

viewed as a functional necessity versus a social event.

Thinkers cook with a cookbook, a timer, and a measuring cup. Directions are

followed exactly, with no deviations allowed.

Relaters like to prepare a meal from scratch using a dozen standard recipes, taking the best from each and using the most popular ingredients.

Elevators

Socializers let everyone in, saying, Always room for one more, the more the

merrier. They ignore the max limit sign and hand out business cards on the way down.

Directors walk up, push the button, wait impatiently, get in and speak to no one. If running late, they take the stairs.

Thinkers enter, but if its crowded they count the number of people. If over the limit, they will ask someone to leave.

Relaters hold the door for others and ensure theyre the last ones on, in case its full. They dont want to crowd anybody. If so, they will wait for the next elevator. They smile at everyone on the trip down.

The development of any new skill takes practice, and lots of it. The first step requires your personal commitment to this challenge and belief in the behavioral flexibility principles. I strongly encourage you to accept this opportunity to strengthen your relationship competencies and develop your interpersonal skills. Lets face it, you and your customer become the beneficiaries.

I suggest you practice by identifying the styles among members of your family, coworkers, and friends. At your next social event, sit back and consciously observe people, their dress, their actions, how and with whom they converse, and so on. Youll be amazed at how much behavioral flexibility is real world and how people quickly reveal their predominant style.

As a guideline to practice, ask yourself these questions:

Are they introvert or extrovert?

Do they appear to be direct or indirect?

How are they dressed?

What is their predominant quadrant? Remember, there is nothing mysterious about behavioral flexibility. Its about treating people the way they want to be treated. Everybody is different and no two customers are the same. Whether the person is dominant or shy, you will have the confidence and specific strategies for dealing successfully with that individual. Remember, people are not difficult-just different. After all, variety is the spice of ... sales! A footnote: Dont consider this chapter as your only resource to develop your behavioral flexibility skills. There are many good publications dedicated to the subject and I suggest you consider building your own library on this subject. See the bibliography.